Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers
by Shade Wolf
Summary: Tonight we have Akira Toriyama, Fuu and Ferio, the Fellowship of the Ring, Powderfinger and a small Ethiopian child called Sumali! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!
1. Welcome To Late Night!

Shade: Welcome to my brand spanking new fic, Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers! It's just a talk show with them as the hosts.  
The entire Yu-Gi-Oh! cast is on standby, but celebrity guests are in every episodes! I'll need my audience to suggest new  
guests, ok?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Late Night With Conan O'Brian. Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the   
same as any person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
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Announcer: Live from Shade's garage, welcome to Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight, we have as our guests...  
From the movie Oceans Eleven, Brad Pitt!  
From The Tom Green Show, Tom Green!  
From the movie Scooby-Doo, Sarah Michelle Gellar!  
And the entire cast of Yu-Gi-Oh!  
And me? I'm Smokey McPot.  
And welcome your hosts, Seto and Mokuba Kaiba!!!  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run in, each doing a funky dance)  
  
Seto: Thank you! (audience cheers) In the 'hood, they call me SETO!!! (audience cheers)  
  
Mokuba: And they refer to me by the name MOKUBA!!! (audience cheers)  
  
Seto: Alright then, so everyone heard the new thing about George Bush?  
  
Audience: (in usion) No, Seto!  
  
Mokuba: (jokingly) Yeah, like that wasn't set up. (audience laughs)  
  
Seto: (to Mokuba) Quiet you. Anyway, the new thing is that to get the vote of all you internet junkies, he has decided to  
change his name to George WWW Bush! (audience laughs)  
  
Mokuba: (raises eyebrow) Was that supposed to be a joke?  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run to the desk and sit down)  
  
Seto: Alright then, lets bring on our first guest. He's been in many movies, including Oceans Eleven, Snatch and, my personal  
favourite, Fight Club!  
  
Mokuba: As you may have guessed from my brothers ramblings, ity's time to bring out the irrisistible BRAD PITT! (audience  
cheers very loudly, with many calls from the female audience)  
  
Woman: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Brad: Right back! (walks over and sits down next to the desk) Hey Seto, hey Mokuba.  
  
Seto: (shakes his hand) Great to see you, mate. Now, let's talk. My brother here thinks that I'm not funny, but I do and I  
think that the audience does as well.  
  
Brad: Hmm.  
  
Mokuba: Don't listen to him.  
  
Seto: (to Mokuba) Quiet you. Now, Brad, enough about me, let's talk about you. Don't you think I'm funny? (audience laughs)  
  
Brad: Look, just try your best. The important thing is that you think that you're funny.  
  
Seto: Wait a minute, was that an insult?  
  
Brad: No, it was just-  
  
Seto: 'Cause you KNOW what happens to people who insult me.  
  
Mokuba: Look, stop talking to the guest and let me, ok? Now Brad, in your new film Oceans Eleven you-  
  
(Tea runs on)  
  
Mokuba: Tea! You know you're not supposed to come out until we call you!  
  
Tea: I know, but I just wanted to say that (talks to Brad) I love you! You are so cool, and I watch every film you're in on  
the day it's released and... and... I love you!  
  
Brad: How... umm... nice?  
  
Tea: Can I give you a hug?  
  
Brad: Sure. (hugs Tea)  
  
Tea: OH MY GOD! I JUST HUGGED BRAD PITT! (runs off)  
  
Seto: Well that was odd. Anyway, great talking to you, MR BRAD PITT! (audience goes wild)  
  
Mokuba: And now we have the greatest sicko ever, MR TOM GREEN!!! (audience goes wild as he comes on)  
  
Tom: Hey Mokuba! (shakes Mokubas hand and sits down)  
  
Seto: Hey Tom!  
  
Tom: Oh, hi... Sonto?  
  
Seto: It's Seto. Seto Kaiba.  
  
Tom: Whatever. So, you heard about my new rock collecting hobby? Here's one I brought. (pulls out a piece of cow sh*t) I'm not  
sure what type it is though.  
  
Seto: It's cow sh*t.  
  
Tom: What? Cow shite? Hmm, never heard of that type. What is it again?  
  
Seto: Cow sh*t.  
  
Tom: Wow, you know about rocks? Another thing it that this type of rock is really soft. It's edible even! (starts pulling the  
rock towards his mouth)  
  
Mokuba: No! Not on live air!  
  
Tom: (puts the rock in his mouth and bites down)  
  
Audience: Ewwwwwwwww!!!  
  
Tom: (chewing the cow sh*t) What?  
  
Mokuba: (shaking his head) You just don't go eating cow sh*t on live air.  
  
Tom: Oh come on! It's my job! DMY!  
  
Seto: DMY?  
  
Tom: Don't Mess Yourself.  
  
Mokuba: Ewww!  
  
Tom: I know, that's why we changed it to DMY.  
  
Seto: Ok then, thank you MR TOM GREEN! (audience cheers) And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsers.  
  
(camera goes to Bakura and Yami sitting behind a counter)  
  
Yami: Hi. We're here to talk to you about the new product.  
  
Bakura: Well thats specific.  
  
Yami: Ok then, we're here to talk to you about the new 'Good Vibrations' Undies! Just press a button, and they start vibrating  
away!  
  
Bakura: I'm wearing some now! They've been vibrating for a while now, so let's see how I look now! (camera shows his jeans.  
There is a huge lump [ya'll know what that is] and a damp patch over it)  
  
Yami: Don't tell me you...  
  
Bakura: You know it baby!  
  
Yami: Oh god... (turns to camera) Umm... buy some now!  
  
(camera goes back to Seto, Mokuba and their guests)  
  
Brad: I want some of those!  
  
Seto: Of course you do. Anyway, let's bring on in SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR!!! (male audience goes crazy along with the females)  
  
Sarah: Hey! (sits down next to Seto and Mokuba) Hi guys!  
  
Seto: Yes, now first up on my question list, what was it like working with that bloody ledgend?  
  
Sarah: Who, Freddy?  
  
Seto: No! Scooby-Doo! What was it like working with him?  
  
Sarah: Umm... you know that he's just computer animation?  
  
Seto: WHAT?!  
  
Mokuba: (to Sarah) Now you've done it...  
  
Seto: SCOOBY-DOO IS NOT ANIMATED! HE IS THE FRIGGING BEST ACTOR IN THAT ENTIRE MOVIE! IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM, THEN YOUR MOVIE  
WOULD BE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SLOPPY DOG SH*T! (suddenly calms down) Anyway, let's talk about Buffy. She is so hot, am I  
right? (male audience goes wild)  
  
Sarah: Thank you!  
  
Seto: Also, can Buffy sleep with Angel? I mean, with no blood can he still get an ere-  
  
Mokuba: Thats enough out of you. Anyway, Sarah, have you met Brad Pitt?  
  
Brad: Hi.  
  
Sarah: Hi.  
  
Seto: Now, Sarah, you're a great actor. Can you read this line for me? It's from a movie which I'm in.  
  
Sarah: Sure, I'd be glad to help! (takes piece of paper and reads it) Oh date me, Seto, date me.  
  
Seto: Umm, can you read it again?  
  
Sarah: (reads paper again) Oh date me, Seto, please date me!  
  
Seto: (smiles) Yeah, alright!  
  
Mokuba: (shakes his head) Pathetic.  
  
Sarah: (throws piece of paper away) I agree. That was pathetic.  
  
Seto: Fine. (his watch beeps) Oh, ok. That's all we have time for folks, but I would like to say thanks to my guests Brad Pitt  
(audience goes wild), Tom Green (audience goes wild) and Sarah Michelle Gellar! (audience goes wild)  
  
Announcer: What about me?  
  
Mokuba: Quiet you. (to camera) BYE!!!  
  
(Everyone goes backstage)  
  
Seto: Good show?  
  
Mokuba: Good show.  
  
Seto: Did you see Sarahs (.Y.)?  
  
Mokuba: Pathetic.  
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Shade: Read and review! Send in ideas for the new celebrity guests! 


	2. Episode Two!

Shade: This episode will feature characters from certain animes. Also will have Hikaru from Magic Knight Rayearth. Read and   
review!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Magic Knight Rayearth. Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any   
person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
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Announcer: Live from the inside of Mt. Fuji, it's Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight our guests include:  
From the anime and manga Magic Knight Rayearth, Hikaru!  
From the anime and manga Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon!  
From the movie Men In Black 2, Will Smith!  
From the company that brought you the watermelon that contained nuts, Mr. Lawyer!  
Our musical guests tonight are Men At Work!  
And me? I'm Potty McSmoke  
But now let's welcome our hosts, Seto and Mokuba Kaiba!!!  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run in, each doing a funky dance)  
  
Seto: Hey! Seeng as I'm a multi-trillionare, I decided to get a mail order girlfriend. Meet Mokona! (a Japanese girl runs out  
and hugs Seto) She's a kawii girl, ain't she?  
  
Audience: (in unison) Yes, Seto!  
  
Mokuba: She only wants to get a citizenship for this country. She doesn't love you.  
  
Seto: Hey, she gives me blow jobs. She ain't that bad.  
  
Mokuba: Lets do the show. (they run to the desk and sit down)  
  
Seto: Lets bring on our first guest. When I watch her, I get hard so fast that my pants-  
  
Mokuba: Quiet. Anyway, let's bring on that tomboy HIKARU!!! (Kikaru runs on)  
  
Hikaru: I make you hard?!  
  
Seto: Um... no...  
  
Mokuba: Ignore my brother. He likes pornography. Anyway, what is it like working with Umi and Fuu?  
  
Hikaru: Fuu is cool. I don't really like Umi. She scares me.  
  
Seto: Me too! We have so much in common.  
  
Hikaru: You're a guy.  
  
Seto: And you're a girl. Suck me hard and fast.  
  
Mokuba: Please, Seto, control!!!  
  
Seto: Sorry dude...  
  
Hikaru: More questions?  
  
Mokuba: Yes, I do. Do you prefer Guru Clef when he was kid-sized or in the anime when he was an adult?  
  
Hikaru: I liked him as a kid! ^_^  
  
Mokuba: And how much Haagen-Das would you say Umi eats in a day?  
  
Hikaru: Umm... 27 cartons?  
  
Seto: I once put a creamy centre into a carton of Haagen-Das. Then Mokuba ate it.  
  
Mokuba: YOU CUMMED IN MY ICE-CREAM?!  
  
Seto: Umm... let's bring on our musical guests.  
  
(Men At Work come out onto the stage)  
  
Lead Singer:  
Traveling in a fried-out combie  
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie  
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous  
She took me in and gave me breakfast  
And she said,  
  
"Do you come from a land down under?  
Where women glow and men plunder?  
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?  
You better run, you better take cover."  
  
Buying bread from a man in Brussels  
He was six foot four and full of muscles  
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"  
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich  
And he said,  
  
"I come from a land down under  
Where beer does flow and men chunder  
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?  
You better run, you better take cover."  
  
Lying in a den in Bombay  
With a slack jaw, and not much to say  
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me  
Because I come from the land of plenty?"  
And he said,  
  
"Oh! Do you come from a land down under? (oh yeah yeah)  
Where women glow and men plunder?  
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?  
You better run, you better take cover."  
  
(audience cheers)  
  
Mokuba: Thank you, Men At Work!  
  
(Seto comes crawling back to the desk with a broken and bleeding nose)  
  
Seto: Jesus, what do you call that kick?!  
  
Mokuba: The Flying Elephant Kick. Now it's time to bring on our next guest, Sailor Moon!  
  
(Sailor Moon runs on)  
  
Sailor Moon: Hi guys!!!  
  
Seto: Hey!  
  
Mokuba: (uppercuts Seto and Seto flies off stage) Now, Sailor Moon-  
  
Sailor Moon: Call me Serena.  
  
Mokuba: Ok then, Serena-  
  
Sailor Moon: Call me Sailor Moon.  
  
Mokuba: But you just said-  
  
Sailor Moon: I know what I said.  
  
Hikaru: You're even more annoying then Fuu!  
  
Sailor Moon: Why you little... MOON... TIARA... MAGIC!!! (throws her Tiara at Hikaru)  
  
Some Guy In The Audience: I hate my name. But, BITCH FIGHT!!!  
  
(Hikaru and Sailor Moon start fighting, each one using their magicks on each other)  
  
Mokuba: (is now wearing a betting masters outfit) Who has $500 on Hikaru?  
  
Yami: I do!!!  
  
Mokuba: Anyone on Sailor Moon?  
  
Bakura: I bet $500 that her dressie comes off!  
  
Mokuba: Taken! But now, let's bring on Will Smith!  
  
(Will Smith walks on. Girls faint when he winks at them)  
  
Will: 'Sup my Mokuba? (he and Mokuba do one of those frigging complicated handshakes that I can never remember. Curses!)  
  
(Seto crawls back on)  
  
Seto: Wassup?  
  
Will: All your base are belong to us.  
  
Mokuba: QUIET WITH THAT!!! (launches a nuclear missle at Will. Will goes splat)  
  
Seto: You think I have no control.  
  
(Hikarus and Sailor Moons fight is still going)  
  
Mokuba: (wipes sweat off brow) Now it's time for a message from our sponsers.  
  
(camera moves to Yami, Bakura and Mai making out)  
  
Yami: (notices camera is on them) Oh. Hello. This is Mai Valentine. But she has nothing to do with this advertisment. (kicks  
Mai out of camera area) What we are advertising is Smack My Arse Cream. If you rub it on someone, everyone within a 3 mile  
radius will feel the urge to smack their arse! Watch it in action! (rubs some on Bakura)  
  
(the entire audience rushes over and starts smacking Bakuras arse)  
  
Bakura: Ow! Ooo! Quit it! Argh! Stop! My butt is hurting! Help!   
  
Yami: Ignore him. Buy it now for only $3.14159265358979323... never mind. (Shades Note: Thats the value of Pi, give or take  
an infinate amount of other numbers) Order no, and the first 3 callers recieve a bottle of Squeeze My Nipple Cream! It works  
the same way as Smack My Arse cream, only everyone within a 3 mile radius will want to squeeze your nipples. Watch! (rubs  
some on Bakura)  
  
(everyone is now squeezing Bakuras nipples AND smacking his arse)  
  
Bakura: Ow! Stop squeezing me! It's really painful!  
  
Yami: Heh heh... hey Bakura! Got milk? (squeezes his own nipple, causing milk to squirt into Bakuras face)  
  
Bakura: Eww! Yami milk!  
  
Yami: To order your own novelty creams, call 1-800-This-Is-A-Fake-Number-And-If-You-Call-It-Then-You-Really-Are-Stupid-And-  
Like-To-Drink-Yami-Milk.  
  
(camera goes back to Mokuba and Seto chatting)  
  
Mokuba: ...a cat shoved up your ars- (notices camera is on) Oh. Heh heh heh. We're back, and I'm talking to Mr.Lawyer!  
  
Lawyer: Hello.  
  
Seto: Now, Mr.Lawyer, what is your company called?  
  
Lawyer: Due to legal reasons I am cannot answer that question.  
  
Mokuba: Understandable. Now, do you like pie?  
  
Lawyer: Due to legal reasons I am cannot answer that question.  
  
Seto: (whispers to Mokuba) What a tight arse-  
  
Lawyer: (reads above whisper) That is assault! That is assault!  
  
Seto: EAT THIS! COMET OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN!!! (Seto launches a bright white bolt at the lawyer, disintergrating him)  
  
Mokuba: Oh yeah Seto, real control there.  
  
Seto: Heh... thats all the time we have! Remember to join us next time!  
  
Mokuba: See ya!  
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Shade: Rember to read, review and send in ideas for the new celebrity guests! 


	3. Episode 3!

Shade: No more introductions for this fic, just read it...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any   
person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
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Announcer: Live from Teas underwear, it's Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight, our guests include:  
From Magic Knight Rayearth, Ascot!  
From the View Askew movies, Jay and Silent Bob!  
From the city in Australia known as Melbourne, Shades girlfriend Jess!  
From the first Star Wars movies, Harrison Ford!  
And our musical guest tonight is Sir Mix-A-Lot!  
And me? I'm Inokichi Sakamoto-san.  
But know let's bring out our hosts, Seto and Mokuba KAIBA!!!  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run in, each doing a funky dance)  
  
Seto: Koniciwa, young readers! Yo, did you hear about the latest crime?  
  
Audience: No, Seto!  
  
Seto: Well, a hole was drilled into a nudist camp fence. Police are currently looking into it. Ha!  
  
Mokuba: Jesus, come up with something original. (they move to the desk)  
  
Seto: Let's bring on our first guest, Mr Ascot!!!  
  
(Ascot comes on)  
  
Ascot: Hey...  
  
Seto: So, Ascot, hows Umi?  
  
Ascot: (blushes) What? What did I do? I didn't make love to Umi. Me and Umi aren't an item. Stop harrassing me!  
  
Mokuba: O.............K. So, how's the new land?  
  
Ascot: Oh, good. By the way, what did you name yours?  
  
Mokuba: Utopia. Seto?  
  
Seto: Land Of The Cocks.  
  
Ascot: That wasn't the plan. The plan was to make them feel good and-  
  
Seto: Shutup. I love the Land Of The Cock.  
  
Mokuba: You just love saying cock.  
  
Ascot: I have to go now. (walks away)  
  
Seto: Let's bring on the music. Sir Mix-A-Lot!!!  
  
(curtains draw back, revealing Sir Mix-A-Lot)  
  
Sir Mix-A-Lot:  
oh my god, becky  
look at her butt  
it is so big uhh  
she looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends  
but u know who understands those rap guys  
they only talk 2 her becuz she looks like a total prostitute  
ok i mean her butt...  
its just so big  
uhh i can't believe its just so round  
its out there  
gross  
look  
shes just so black  
  
I like big butts and I cannot lie  
u other brotherz can't deny  
when a girl walks in with a itty, bitty, waist  
and a round thing in ur face u get sprung  
want to pull up tough  
cuz u noticed that butt was stuck  
beef to the jeans shes wearing  
im hooked and I can't stop staring  
oh baby I wanna get wit cha  
and take ur pictcha  
my homeboys tryed 2 warn me  
but that butt u got makes me so horny  
ooooooo rumple smooth skin   
u say u wanna get my benz  
well use me use me cuz u ain't that average groupie  
I seen her dancin  
to hell with romancing  
she sweat  
wet  
shes got it going like a turbo jet  
im tired of magazines  
seenin flat butts are the thing  
cuz the average black man ask him that  
shes got 2 pack much back  
so fellas   
YAH!  
fellas  
YAH!  
cuz ur girlfriends got the butt  
HELL YAH!  
shake it   
yah  
shake it  
yah   
shake that healthy butt   
baby got back  
  
baby got back  
  
I like them round and big  
and when Im throwing a gig  
I just can't help myself  
I'm acting like an animal  
now here's my scandal  
I wanna get u home and  
uh   
double up  
uh uh  
I ain't talking bout playboy  
those silicon parts are made for toys  
I want them real thick and juicy  
so find that juicy double  
mix-alot seem trouble  
begging for a piece of that bubble  
so Im looking at rock videos  
knocking these bimbos   
looking like hoes  
u can those bimbos  
I keep my women like flo-jo  
a word to the thick soled sisterz  
  
i wanna get wit cha  
i won't cus or hit cha  
i gotta be straight when I say  
I wanna uh to the break of dawn  
baby's got it going on  
a lot of sims won't like this song  
cuz thoses punks like to hit and quit it  
and I'd ratehr stay and play  
cuz I'm long and I'm strong  
and I'm down to get this frick shit on  
so ladies  
YAH!  
ladies  
YAH!  
so u wanna roll my mercedes  
YAH!  
so turn around   
stick it out   
even white boys got 2 shout  
baby got back  
  
baby got back  
  
yah baby  
when it comes to females  
cosmo ain't got nothing to do with my selection  
36  
24  
36  
on if she's 5'3"  
  
so ur girlfriend owns a honda  
playing workout tapes by fonda  
but fonda ain't got a motor on the back of her honda  
my anacoda  
don't got none unless u got buns hun  
you can do side bends or sit-ups  
but please don't use that butt  
some brotherz wanna play that hard roll  
and tell ya that the butt ain't gold  
so they toss and leave it  
and i pull up quick to retrieve it  
so cosmo says ur fat  
well i ain't down wit dat  
cuz ur waist is small   
and ur curves are kicking  
and im thinking bout sticking  
to the beanpole dames and the magazines  
you ain't it miss thing  
give me a sista   
i can't resist her  
red beans and rice didn't miss her  
some knuckle head tried to dis  
cuz those girls are on my list  
he had game   
but he chose to hit em  
and I pull up quick to get wit him  
so ladies if da butt is round  
and u wanna triple xbo down  
dial 1-900-mixalot   
and kick dem nasty thoughts  
baby got back  
  
baby got back  
  
little in the middle but u got much back  
  
little in the middle but u got much back  
  
little in the middle but u got much back  
  
little in the middle but u got much back   
  
(Sir Mix-A-Lot bows and runs away)  
  
Seto: Yeah! Big butts! Let's bring on my idol, JAY!!!  
  
Mokuba: And Silent Bob!  
  
(Jay and Silent Bob run on)  
  
Jay: Ladies, ladies, ladies, Jay and Silent Bob are in the panties!!!  
  
Seto: 'Sup my brother? (they do a man hug and sit down)  
  
Mokuba: So, Jay, I take it you and Justice are still together?  
  
Jay: Uh huh, but she is too fine!  
  
Seto: Word bitch, Justice like a hot chick!  
  
Jay: Sup now. So, you want some 'shrooms? Or weed?  
  
Seto: You know it! (smokes some weed) Yeah.  
  
Jay: Rollin' fatties, doin' blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smokes the blunts!  
  
Seto: Dude, we gotta bring on Shades girl.  
  
Jay: See ya'll.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Mokuba: And let's bring on Shades girlfriend, Jess!!!  
  
(Shades voice booms overhead)  
  
Shade: Jess is in my bedroom at the moment, getting prepared for some... fun. She cannot attend.  
  
Seto: Damn! Jess is too fine! Oh well, heres an ad from our sponsers...  
  
(camera goes to Yami and Bakura)  
  
Yami: Hi. We're here to advertise this new product from Bollocks Industries. It's (bangs down a box on the table) 'Bang It  
own Hard On The Table', a new cleaning product. We washed half of this shirt in Bang It Down Hard On The Table (holds up half  
a clean shirt) and the other half in a normal cleaning product (holds up the other half of a clean shirt). As you can see,  
they both came out very clean, but we had to throw out the shirt, as it was ruined.  
  
Bakura: Buy some now!  
  
(camera goes back to Seto and Mokuba)  
  
Seto: (drooling) Must... buy... product...  
  
Mokuba: Ignore him. He's been brain washed. Oh well. Unfortunatly we are running out of room, so we apologise to Harrison Ford.  
Bye!  
  
Seto: Bye...  
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Shade: Ok, read and review. Please. 


	4. Episode Four!

Shade: Thanks to TheMysticWanderer for his ideas.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any   
person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
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Announcer: Live from Jason "Pie F*cker" Biggs butt cheeks, its Late Night with The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight, our guests include:  
From the Austin Powers movies, Mike Myers!  
From the Mask, Jim Carrey!  
From that place where people get bonked on the head with frying pans, Joe!  
And me? I'm that strange man who rubs up against you on public transportation!  
But now, lets welcome Seto and Mokuba Kaiba!  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run on. Audience cheers)  
  
Seto: Hey audience!!! How are we tonight?  
  
Audience: Good Seto!  
  
Mokuba: Except for that fat man up there!  
  
Fat Man: Yeah! Whoo!  
  
Seto: Anyway, tonight we have some amazing guests. But first, lets talk about... SEX!!!  
  
(audience is shocked)  
  
Seto: Now that I've got your attention, lets go onto the guests!  
  
(they run over to the desk and sit down)  
  
Mokuba: Our first guest likes bonking people over the head with a frying pan. Yes, it's Joe!!! (Joe runs on)  
  
Joe: Hey guys! Bonk! (he bonks Seto and Mokuba on the head with a frying pan)  
  
Mokuba: Ow!  
  
Seto: That hurt!  
  
Joe: Blow me.  
  
Seto: Anyway, why do you bonk people over the head? Is it an obsession of yours?  
  
Joe: That deserves a bonking! (he bonks Seto on the head with a frying pan)  
  
Mokuba: Thats it, get off my set!  
  
Joe: Make me!  
  
Mokuba: SECURITY!!! (security drags him off)  
  
Joe: You may take me off your set, but you will never take my chocolate thickshake!  
  
Seto: Yoink! (takes Joe's thickshake)  
  
Mokuba: Yummy!  
  
Seto: (slurps the thickshake) Mmm hmm...  
  
Mokuba: Can I have some?  
  
Seto: NO!!! MY THICKSHAKE!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!  
  
Mokuba: Ok, lets bring on our first real guest, Mike Myers!!!  
  
(Mike Myers runs onstage and the audience cheers)  
  
Mike: Hey guys!  
  
Mokuba: Hey Mike.  
  
Seto: Yum-yum... (slurps the thickshake)  
  
Mike: How nice. Well, you know what I say. Once a spy, always a spy, but once a night is enough!  
  
(Shade pops up sweaty from behind the sofa)  
  
Shade: Maybe Jess should learn that...  
  
(Jess comes up and pulls Shade down)  
  
Mike: He looked ready for some wild animal stuff!!!  
  
Seto: You know, Mokuba told me that you are hung like an elephant.  
  
Mike: What? Oh, his mother tells him everything.  
  
Mokuba: Ha! Funny funny stuff! But tell me, how does it feel to be portrayed as a fat bastard?  
  
Mike: Oh, thats just a character!  
  
Seto: WHAT?! No!  
  
Mike: Yes...  
  
Seto: Really? So you wear a suit that makes you look like a 300 pound, obese, sweaty pig?  
  
Mike: Obese? I admit he's fat-  
  
Seto: No, he is huge. Obese. Fatter then a sumo wrestler.  
  
Mokuba: Moving on, why is it that in all the scenes Foxy Cleopatra is in, she doesn't blink?  
  
Mike: Well, she was born without eyelids.  
  
Seto: Eww!  
  
Mokuba: Ok, thanks for being on the show, Mike!  
  
(Joe runs on and bonks Mike over the head with a frying pan)  
  
Mokuba: SECURITY!!!  
  
(security grabs Joe and drags him off)  
  
Mokuba: Lets go to a word from our sponsers.  
  
(Camera goes to Yami and Bakura standing behind a counter)  
  
Yami: Hi, today we're advertising a new product from Spoonfed Industries. They're just like your parents, only they're a company.  
  
Bakura: Yes. Yes they are.  
  
Yami: But the product is... Florida Voting Machine! See, what you get is a coin. Then you flip it. Heads it's Democrats,  
tails its Republican. That simple! Used by real Florida voters!!!  
  
Bakura: Buy one now! Only $49.95, plus $50.05 P&H!  
  
(Camera goes back to Seto and Mokuba)  
  
Mokuba: Our next guest has been in many funny films, including The Mask, Dumb & Dumber and The Cable Guy!  
  
Seto: But his most recent movie sucked balls. Lets bring on Jim Carrey!  
  
(Jim runs on)  
  
Jim: Hey!  
  
Mokuba: Wassup?  
  
Jim: Not much, but earlier today I-  
  
Seto: Yeah yeah yeah, ball licker. Your last movie sucked balls, as you do.  
  
Jim: I'm sorry you feel that way, but-  
  
Seto: Shutup ball sucker!  
  
Mokuba: Excuse my brother. He is a little insane.  
  
Seto: No I'm not, mommy!!!  
  
Mokuba: See?  
  
Jim: Well, I guess I now understand why he likes men so much.  
  
Seto: You picking?  
  
Jim: No...  
  
Seto: I think you pickin', c*nt.  
  
Jim: Oh thats it! You going down! (he and Seto start fighting)  
  
Seto: Bitch!  
  
Jim: Cockknocker!  
  
Mokuba: Ok, thats all the time we have tonight. Thanks for watching!  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shade: Ok, send in ideas for guests. Please? And also review. 


	5. Episode 5!

Shade: Thanks for reading.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any   
person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Announcer: Live from the third molar in George Bushes mouth, it's Late Night with The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight, our guests include:  
From Monty Pythons Flying Circus, it's John Cleese!  
From that sailing camp in Victoria B.c. I went to in July, Lt. Tomboy and Anime Girl!!!  
From the Betty Ford centre, Fade!  
Our musical guest is The Traveling Wilburys!  
And me? I'm that fat asshole who always eats the last chocolate biscut.  
But now, lets bring on our host, Seto Kaiba!  
  
(Seto runs on)  
  
Seto: Greetings! (does a funky dance) For those concerned, Mokuba is... sick. Yes, thats it. He will not be attending. But now,  
the news for parrots. (sits at the desk)  
No parrots were involved in an accident on the highway today when a truck carrying High-octane fuel was in collison with a Mustang.   
That's a MUSTANG and *NOT* a PARROT. A spokesman for parrots said he was glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of   
Technology today met the three Russian leaders to discus a 4 million pound airliner deal....None of them entered the cage,   
or swung on the little wooden trapeze or ate any of the nice millet seed. Yum, Yum.  
(swings to face another camera)  
And while thats going on, here's a parliamentary report for Humans:  
In the debate, a spokesman accused the goverment of being silly and doing not at all good things. The member accepted this in  
the spirit of healthy criticism, but denied that he had ever been naughty with a choir boy. Angry shouts of 'What about the   
Watermelon then' were ordered then by the speaker to be stricken from the record and put into a brown paper bag in the lavvy.  
Any further interruptions would be cut up and distributed amongst the poor. For the Government, a front-bench spokesman said  
the Agricultural Tariff WOULD have to be raised. And he fancied a bit. Whats more he argued, this would give a large boost to  
farmers, him, his friends, and Miss Moist of Knightsbridge. From the back benches there were opposition shouts of 'Postcards  
for sale' and a healthy cry of 'Who likes a sailor then' from the minister without portfolio. Replying, the Shadow Minister   
said he could no longer deny the rumors, but he and the Dachsund were very happy. And in any case he argued Rhubarb was cheap,  
and what was the harm in a sauna bath?  
We're not involved.  
The Minister of Technology met the three Russian leaders to discuss a 4 million dollar airliner deal....none of them were   
indigenous to Australia, carried their young in pouches, or ate any of those yummy Eucalyptus leaves..Yum Yum. Thats the news  
for koalas...  
(swings back to face original camera)  
And now, lets bring on our first guest, John Cleese!   
  
(John Cleese walks on, with cheers from the audience)  
  
Seto: Johnny!  
  
John: Hello Seto my boy. Lovely re-doing of one of my sketches.  
  
Seto: Thanks.  
  
John: So...  
  
Seto: Yes, lovely job you did in Rat Race!  
  
John: I sucked in that.  
  
Seto: You think? (wipes forehead) Jesus, I thought I would have to put on that I liked that movie for the whole thing...  
  
John: But anyway, hows your life going?  
  
Seto: Eh, it's ok. (listens to his headset) Oh, I've just recieved word that Shade is coming on instead of Mokuba... (mumbles  
something about Shade and other nasty things) Ok, John, everyone, its SHADE!!!  
  
(Shade walks on, accompanyed by thousands of women screaming, crowds applauding and women taking off their tops and yelling  
their love for Shade)  
  
Shade: Ladies, please, I'm here all night! (waves, and then moves Seto over and sits in his chair) Thanks Seto!  
  
Seto: Grr...  
  
Shade: So, John, buddy. Got any hot gossip you want to share?  
  
John: Anything for you Shade!  
  
Seto: (grumbling) Lousy Shade... taking all my women and stealing my show...  
  
Shade: What was that?  
  
Seto: Nothing...  
  
John: Moving on, let's just say that Brad Pitt has been- (is interrupted by Tea, Mai and that little girl who holds a Teddy  
running on)  
  
Tea: WHATS THIS ABOUT MY BRAD?!  
  
John: Umm... nothing...  
  
Mai: Get him! (a net drops on John and they drag him off)  
  
Shade: Well, looks like he's in for a good time.  
  
Seto: (mumbling) Thats my f*cking line, you f*cking cock knuckle...  
  
Shade: Sorry, didn't catch that.  
  
Seto: Continue, Shade.  
  
Shade: Thanks. Now, I met these two on a sailing camp. Please welcome my two very special lady friends, Lt. Tomboy and Anime  
Girl!!! (Anime Girl and Lt. Tomboy come on, accompanyed by cheers and cat calls. After hugging Shade and shaking Setos hand,  
they sit down)  
  
Shade: Greeting, my ladies.  
  
Tomboy: Hey... who's this bozo? Sonto?  
  
Seto: It's Seto. Seto Kaiba.  
  
Tomboy: Yeah, whatever Sonto...  
  
Anime Girl: Hey Seto! ^_^  
  
Seto: (smiles) Hey. You must be that hopeless fan-girl Shade has been telling me about.  
  
Anime Girl: Bastard! (slaps Shade)  
  
Shade: F*ck!  
  
Anime Girl: I hate you! (storms off)  
  
Tomboy: That was harsh, Shade.  
  
Shade: I DIDN"T SAY ANYTHING!!!  
  
Seto: Heh heh heh...  
  
Shade: (talks into head set) Uh huh... bring back A.G... and bring the paddle...  
  
Seto: Huh?  
  
Shade: And know it's time for...  
  
Audience: SETOS PUBLIC SPANKING!!!  
  
Seto: Oh sh*t. (tries to get away, but is pinned on the floor by Security)  
  
Tomboy: This looks fun...  
  
(Anime Girl comes on with a table tennis paddle)  
  
Anime Girl: Thanks for the oppertunity Shade!  
  
Shade: It's ok... Mwhahahahaha!!!  
  
(Anime Girl starts spanking away at Seto)  
  
Shade: Lets move onto our music. Give it up for the Travling Wilburys!  
  
(Bob Dillan and the rest of the Wilburys come up and the music starts)  
  
Bob Dillan:  
Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash  
They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash  
To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan  
For reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man  
  
Tweeter was a boy scout before she went to Vietnam  
And found out the hard way nobody gives a damn  
They knew that they found freedom just across the Jersey Line  
So they hopped into a stolen car took Highway 99  
  
Backup:  
And the walls came down all the way to hell  
Never saw them when they're standing  
Never saw them when they fell  
  
Bob Dillan:  
The undercover cop never liked the Monkey Man  
Even back in childhood he wanted to see him in the can  
Jan got married at fourteen to a rackateer named Bill  
She made secret calls to the Monkey Man from a mansion on the hill  
  
It was out on thunder road - Tweeter at the wheel  
They crashed into paradise - they could hear them tires squeal  
The undercover cop pulled up and said "Everyone of you's a liar  
If you don't surrender now it's gonna go down to the wire  
  
Backup:  
And the walls came down all the way to hell  
Never saw them when they're standing  
Never saw them when they fell  
  
Bob Dillan:  
An ambulance rolled up - a state trooper close behind  
Tweeter took his gun away and messed up his mind  
The undercover cop was left tied up to a tree  
Near the souvenir stand by the old abandoned factory  
  
Next day the undercover cop was hot in pursuit  
He was taking the whole thing personal  
He didn't care about the loot  
Jan had told him many times it was you to me who taught  
In Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught  
  
Backup:  
And the walls came down all the way to hell  
Never saw them when they're standing  
Never saw them when they fell  
  
Bob Dillan:  
Someplace by Rahway prison they ran out of gas  
The undercover cop had cornered them said "Boy, you didn't  
think that this could last"  
Jan jumped out of bed said "There's someplace I gotta go"  
She took a gun out of the drawer and said "It's best if you dont' know"  
  
The undercover cop was found face down in a field  
The monkey man was on the river bridge using Tweeter as a shield  
Jan said to the Monkey Man "I'm not fooled by Tweeter's curl  
I knew him long before he ever became a Jersey girl"  
  
Backup:  
And the walls came down all the way to hell  
Never saw them when they're standing  
Never saw them when they fell  
  
Bob Dillan:  
Now the town of Jersey City is quieting down again  
I'm sitting in a gambling club called the Lion's Den  
The TV set been blown up, every bit of it is gone  
Ever since the nightly news show that the Monkey Man was on  
  
I guess I'll to to Florida and get myself some sun  
There ain't no more opportunity here, everything's been done  
Sometime I think of Tweeter, sometime I think of Jan  
Sometime I don't think about nothing but the Monkey Man  
  
Backup:  
And the walls came down all the way to hell  
Never saw them when they're standing  
Never saw them when they fell  
  
(they take their bows and leave)  
  
Shade: Thank you guys! Now, how many spanks are we up to?  
  
Announcer: We're up to 4,561 spanks, Shade!  
  
Shade: Excellent. Now lets bring on my drug addicted ex-partner, Fade! (Fade is brought on by men in white coats)  
  
Fade: Hello Charlie.  
  
Shade: It's Shade. Now, how's it going? Still addicted to the drugs?  
  
Fade: (eyes glaze over) They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away, ho ho... To the funny farm! Where  
life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to  
take me AWAY!!!  
  
Tomboy: You knew this guy?  
  
Fade: (looks at Lt. Tomboy) Mmm, tasty! (attempts to rip her panties off with his teeth)  
  
Tomboy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (runs away)  
  
Fade: I'm Fungry! (men in white drag him off)  
  
Shade: Thats it for tonight. Join Seto and Mokuba next week for more crazy antics. Bye!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shade: Please send in ideas for guests! If you want to be on my show, then say so! Please review! 


	6. Episode 6

Shade: Back again, not dead, contrary to popular belief.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any   
person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Announcer: Live from beautiful Victoria B.c, it's Late Night With The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight, our guests include-  
From the hit movie Die Another Day, Pierce Brosnan!  
From the hit Harry Potter movie series, Daniel Radcliffe!  
From Shade's bedroom, Shade himself and his girlfriend Jessica Maunder!  
Our musical guest tonight is... Avril Lavigne!  
And me? I'm that man who smells your underwear when you're not around.  
But now, let's welcome the hosts of this show, Seto and Mokuba Kaiba!  
  
(those two run on, waving at the cheering crowd)  
  
Seto: Hey, hows everyone feeling tonight?  
  
Mokuba: Jesus dude, stop asking those goddamn questions to the audience!  
  
Seto: I'll take you down after the show.  
  
Mokuba: Try it and you're a dead man.  
  
(they run over to the desk and sit down)  
  
Seto: Our first guest tonight has been in many a James Bond film.  
  
Mokuba: Yes, it's time for PIERCE BROSNAN!!!  
  
(Pierce Brosnan runs on)  
  
Pierce: Hello Mokuba and Sonto!  
  
Seto: It's Seto.  
  
Pierce: Right-o then, Sento.  
  
(Seto prepares to hit Pierce but Mokuba knocks him unconcious)  
  
Seto: Uhhh..... (collapses on the floor)  
  
Pierce: He could have brain damage.  
  
Mokuba: Won't make a difference. Now, Pierce, I take it you have a love interest in this new film.  
  
Pierce: I do.  
  
Mokuba: And her real name is Halle Berry?  
  
Pierce: Thats right?  
  
Mokuba: Are you two in love, in real life?  
  
(audience goes 'oooooooooooooooooo')  
  
Pierce: Yes. We do the dirty deed every night.  
  
Mokuba: Dude, you can't say that on free-to-air television!  
  
Pierce: I also do the deed with your mother.  
  
Mokuba: DUDE!!!  
  
(Seto wakes up)  
  
Seto: Huh? Whats this about someone f*cking my mother?  
  
Pierce: I make sweet love to your mother and Halle Berry every night.  
  
Seto: (punches Pierce, who goes flying into the crowd, where he is ripped to shreds by Seto and Mokubas fangirls) Take that.  
  
Mokuba: For once I'm glad you kicked a guests ass.  
  
Seto: Ok, let's bring on the star of Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned!  
  
Mokuba: (whacks brother upside the head) Now, let's bring on DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!!  
  
(Daniel runs on)  
  
Daniel: Hi Mokuba! Hi... Serento?  
  
Seto: (grinds teeth) It's... Seto...  
  
Daniel: Oh, sorry, Sento.  
  
(Seto tries to kill Daniel, but security holds him back)  
  
Mokuba: Seto, control!  
  
Daniel: Is he crazy?  
  
Mokuba: (injects Seto with his anger managment medicine) There we go. Just don't mix up his name.  
  
Daniel: I'll try, but it's such a hard name!  
  
Seto: Hello, my name is Seto. How are you today, Daniel?  
  
Daniel: I'm good.  
  
Mokuba: Now, are the allegations that you smoked pot and then made love to Emma Watson?  
  
Daniel: (leans back on chair) Guilty as charged.  
  
Seto: How nice. Did she enjoy it?  
  
Daniel: I think so. She did give me deepthroat the next night.  
  
Mokuba: Let's back off from the sex, okay?  
  
Daniel: You brought it up.  
  
Mokuba: Ok, goodbye.  
  
Daniel: (gets up) I don't need to take this crap! Goodbye, Mokuba and Sonto!  
  
Seto: (medication wears off, he gets up and throws Daniel into the fangirl pit to be forever tormented) Yippy kai yay, mother f*cker.  
  
Mokuba: Let's bring on the author and his girlfriend. (Shade and Jess walk onstage)  
  
Seto: Now I know you won't mess up my name.  
  
Jess: Hi Mokuba! Hi... Seto? No that can't be it.  
  
Seto: YOU GOT IT RIGHT!!! YES!!!  
  
Jess: I did?  
  
Shade: Let's move onto the questions.  
  
Mokuba: Ok, so, Shade, when did you and Jess meet?  
  
Shade: Jess?  
  
Jess: Begining of Year 6. I had just transfered over to his school.  
  
Mokuba: How sweet. Was it love at first sight?  
  
Jess: No, I actually hated him when we first met.  
  
Shade: I adored her after her first words to me.  
  
Mokuba: And those words were...?  
  
Shade: 'Stop staring at me you f*cking poofter, I'll beat you up on Friday, you f*cking weak sh*t, I'm popular and I'll never  
like you'. I love a challenge.   
  
Mokuba: Well, let's bring on our musical guest, Avril Lavigne!  
  
(curtains go up and Avril Lavigne and her band are there. Music starts)  
  
Avril: He was a boy   
She was a girl  
Can I make it any more obvious  
He was a punk  
She did ballet  
What more can I say  
He wanted her  
She'd never tell  
That secretly she wanted him as well  
But all of her friends   
Stuck up their nose  
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes  
  
Chorus  
He was a skater boy  
She said see ya later boy  
He wasn't good enough for her  
She had a pretty face  
But her head was up in space  
She needed to come back down to Earth  
  
Five years from now  
She sits at home  
Feeding the baby, she's all alone  
She turns on TV  
Guess who she sees  
Skater boy, rockin' up MTV  
She calls up her friends  
They already know  
And they've all got tickets to see his show  
She tags along  
And stands in the crowd  
Looks up at the man that she turned down  
  
He was a skater boy  
She said see ya later boy  
He wasn't good enough for her  
Now he's a superstar  
Slammin' on his guitar  
Does your pretty face see what he's worth  
(repeat)  
  
Sorry girl but you missed out  
Well tough luck, that boy's mine now  
We are more than just good friends  
This is how the story ends  
Too bad that she couldn't see  
See the man that boy could be  
There is more than meets the eye  
I see the soul that is inside  
  
He's just a boy  
And I'm just a girl  
Can I make it any more obvious  
We are in love  
Haven't you heard  
How we rock each other's world  
  
I met a skater boy  
I said see ya later boy  
I'll be backstage after your show  
I'll be at a studio  
Singing the song we wrote  
About a girl he used to know  
  
I met a skater boy  
I said see ya later boy  
I'll be backstage after your show  
I'll be at a studio  
Singing the song we wrote  
About a girl he used to know  
  
(Music ends, Avril bows)  
  
Avril: Whoo! I love you all! (KittyMonster walks on with handcuffs and a taser) Especially Mokuba and... (time freezes) Setno!  
  
(Seto throws a skateboard at Avril and she flys into the handcuffs of KittyMonster. KittyMonster drags Avril off, zapping her  
with a taser)  
  
Seto: Well, thats the show. Now then, (gives machine guns to himself, Mokuba, Shade and Jess, who all aim at the audience) forget  
all you saw. Forget, or you shall be killed. Forget.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shade: Read and review! 


	7. Numero 7!

Shade: If anyone reads this, please review! I need the ideas! If someone could send me new one liners for the announcer, that would be great.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh Also, any people, living or dead, whose names are the same as any person mentioned in this fan fic is purely conincidental.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Announcer: Live from a packet of chocolate covered coffee beans, it's Late Night The Kaiba Brothers! Tonight our guests include-  
From the Dragon Ball Z studios, Akira Toriyama!  
From the manga Magic Knight Rayearth, Fuu and Ferio!  
From The Lord Of The Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring!  
Our musical guest tonight is Powderfinger!  
And me? I'm that old man who pokes you with a walking stick!  
But know, here's your hosts, Seto and Mokuba.... KAIBA!!!  
  
(Seto and Mokuba run in)  
  
Seto: Yeah baby! I just checked, and tonight is a good show.  
  
Mokuba: (reads cue-cards) Yes gangsta, you so hippin' jippin' with your mouthwash. Super cowabunga tasty paste.  
  
Seto: Dude, you sound like Jar-Jar Binks.  
  
Mokuba: Oh screw you.  
  
(they sit behind their desk)  
  
Seto: Our first guest has created some of the best fighting anime since.... well, before I was even thought of.  
  
Mokuba: Thats right. Our first guest is Akira Toriyama!  
  
(Akira runs on)  
  
Seto: Konichiwa, Akira-san.  
  
Akira: Hey, Seto. Hows it hanging, Mokuba?  
  
Seto: (shocked) He... he speaks our language?!  
  
Mokuba: (chuckles) Careful, he's sharp!  
  
Seto: Shut up, Mokuba!  
  
Akira: So, ready to question me?  
  
Mokuba: Ok. First question... where did you get the idea for the kamehameha?  
  
Akira: Well... my brother has a mental disability. I showed him my early drawings of Goku, and he said 'kamehameha'. He then threw up. And the rest is history!  
  
Seto: Wow, what a small world! My brother is retarded as well!  
  
Mokuba: You shut up and let the man speak.  
  
Akira: Mokuba is a retard?  
  
Seto: Oh yeah.  
  
Mokuba: SHUT THE F*CK UP SETO!!! I"M SICK OF YOUR BULL SH*T!!!  
  
(everyone is silent)  
  
Seto: Sorry Mokuba...  
  
Akira: You want to be in my new series of Dragon Ball?  
  
Mokuba: Kick ass!  
  
Akira: You be new child of Gohan and Chi Chi!  
  
Seto: Sick! You're going to be an inbred retard!  
  
(Mokuba pulls out a pump-action shotgun and blasts Seto repeatedly)  
  
Akira: Mind if I leave now?  
  
Mokuba: (aims the shotgun at Akira) You sit, and wait for the next guest.  
  
Akira: Ok. (curls into fetal position and rocks on floor)  
  
(Seto crawls into his seat and coughs)  
  
Seto: Anger managment, dude. I have friends. I can help you.  
  
Mokuba: (blasts Seto again, and turns to camera) And now, a word from our sponsers.  
  
(camera goes to Bakura sitting in a leather armchair)  
  
Bakura: Hello, I am an English person. (gets up and starts walking) You know, if every person in AUstralia donated a single dollar a week to an Ethiopian child... (kneels beside a small African girl) Such as Sumali here, she would have an average weekly income of over twenty-one million dollars. Thats enough five cent pieces to reach the moon, and those would be carried in gold plated space shuttles with diamond encrusting. (looks at Sumali) Seems a little excessive, doesn't it? (Sumali nods)  
  
(camera goes back to Mokuba, minus shotgun, and Seto)  
  
Mokuba: Just wait till these pills wear off.  
  
Seto: Hush. Now then, our next guests have a romantic affair in the manga 'Magic Knight Rayearth'  
  
Mokuba: But right now they're just going to come on, and possibly make out.  
  
Seto: Le's welcome Fuu and Ferio!  
  
(Fuu and Ferio walk on, hold hands)  
  
Fuu: Hi Mokuba, you little cutie! (pinches his cheeks)  
  
Ferio: Hey there, short stuff. (rubs Mokubas head)  
  
Seto: (laughs) You heard how he took those pills backstage?  
  
Fuu: Please, like I would come out here if he hadn't.  
  
(Ferio sits down, Fuu sits on his lap)  
  
Seto: So, you guys planning to get married?  
  
Ferio: Not yet. I still enjoy our foursomes with the other ladies.  
  
Fuu: Sugar daddy! Not on national TV!  
  
Seto: No no, please continue. Got a tape?  
  
Ferio: (reaches into pocket and pulls out a tape) Ten bucks.  
  
Seto: Sold! (gives Ferio some money, and takes the tape)  
  
Fuu: Only ten? Aren't I worth more?  
  
Ferio: Aww, come here... (he and Fuu start making out)  
  
Mokuba: This is strangly arousing.  
  
Seto: Booyahkasha.  
  
Mokuba: Should we cut to an ad break?  
  
Seto: (fixated on Fuu's mouth) The way he moves his tongue is... almost hypnotic.  
  
Mokuba: Put on a word from our sponsers.  
  
(camera flips to Yami, naked, smoking a cigarette while Mai has her head over his genitals)  
  
Yami: (notices camera on him) The hell?! I'm not supposed to be on till next week! Oh well. Today I'm going to tell you about how to build a hydrogen bomb. And it hardly costs you a thing! For only $1, plus $99.95 postage and handling, you recieve a soda can and a list of household items to build your own hydrogen bomb! The number to call is-  
  
(camera goes back to Seto and Mokuba)  
  
Seto: I can't believe Ferio did that on National TV.  
  
Mokuba: I can't believe we went to an ad break.  
  
Seto: We're going to have to clean that couch. In bleach.  
  
Mokuba: I can't believe we went to an ad break.  
  
(they both snap out of it)  
  
Mokuba: Let's bring on the Fellowship of the Ring!  
  
(Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Frodo, Gandalf, Sam, Merry, Pippin and Boromir walk onstage)  
  
Legolas: Greetings, young ones.  
  
Seto: Shut up, elfy boy.  
  
Aragorn: (draws his sword) Are you insulting Legolas Greenleaf?  
  
Mokuba: (pills wear off) Sit down you mother f*cking fantasy freaks!  
  
(the Fellowship sits)  
  
Gimli: This is highly unorthadox!  
  
Frodo: I am the Lord Of The Ring!  
  
Mokuba: Oh shut up, you goddamn un-emotive halfling!  
  
Samwise: I hope you're not talking to Mr.Frodo like that!  
  
Seto: (pulls out a shottie) I'll talk however I damn well want to talk, bitch.  
  
Gandalf: (stands in front of Samwise) Do not harm him!  
  
Mokuba: Put it down, Seto. Or I'll tell everyone what your middle name is.  
  
(Seto puts down his shottie)  
  
Aragorn: I have never seen such a weapon... you are the true ringbearer! (grabs the ring of Frodo) Yoink! (passes ring to Seto) You have my sword!  
  
Legolas: And my bow!  
  
Gimli: And my axe!  
  
(Elrond pops up behind couch)  
  
Elrond: Then you shall be known as the Fellowship of the Ring!  
  
(Elrond goes away)  
  
Boromir: (notices Lurtz offstage) Goddammit. (gets three arrows in his chest) Hell yeah! Thankfully I put Pippin down my shirt! (pulls out Pippin, who is blood soaked)  
  
Pippin: Ouch.  
  
Mokuba: Let's move onto our singers, Powderfinger, with 'My Happiness'  
  
(curtain goes up, and Powderfinger is assembled onstage)  
  
Main Singer:  
I see your shadow on the street now  
I hear you push through the rusty gate  
Click of your heels on the concrete  
Waiting for a knock coming way too late  
It's been an age since I've seen ya  
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days  
  
So you come in and put your bags down  
I know there's something in the air  
How can I do this to you right now  
If you're over there when I need you here  
  
My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go  
  
(Sauron runs onstage, knocks out the main singer and takes up the mike)  
  
Sauron: (looks at the Ring in Seto's hand)  
It seems an age since I've seen you  
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days  
I hope that time hasnt changed you  
All I really want is for you to stay  
  
So you come in and put your bags down  
I know there's something in the air  
How can I do this to you right now  
If you're over there when I need you here  
  
(Seto gives Sauron the ring)  
  
Sauron:  
My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
Must be when you pack up and go  
  
I know I know I know what's inside  
I know I know I know what's inside  
I know I know I know what's inside  
I know I know I know what's inside  
  
If you're over there when I need you here  
  
My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go  
  
My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinkind in  
It must be when you pack up and go  
  
(Sauron bows, the curtain drops and screaming is heard)  
  
Seto: That was interesting.  
  
Legolas: Was it really important to give the dark lord Sauron the One Ring?  
  
Aragorn: Do not question the ringbearer, Greenleaf.  
  
Legolas: I question whoever I want!  
  
Aragorn: You're a dick!  
  
Legolas: You're a dick, and I've had it with your dicketry! I choose you!  
  
Aragorn: (draws his sword) You wanna fight?  
  
Legolas: (draws his daggers) Right here, bitch!  
  
(they start fighting)  
  
Mokuba: Yes! A fight! This is the best talk show in the world! (picks up two shotguns and starts firing them up)  
  
Voice Above: Aaargh!  
  
(blood drips down to the floor, and a body falls as well)  
  
Seto: Eep.  
  
Mokuba: (picks up coat) Ok, see you on Monday! (runs)  
  
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Shade: Read and review! 


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